Ownership

Fairly regularly, once someone finds out I have multiple sclerosis, I hear something like, "Wow, it's amazing that you still do what you do."  While I do take a certain amount of pride in hearing that, I am also unsure just what to say.  "Keep on keepin' on" or some similar reply typically comes out.  Doing what I've always done, to the best that I can do it, seems the only way to go, if you ask me.  I have raced triathlons for over 20 years, and I hope to continue them for another 40.  Yeah, 60 seems like a good number of years to race at the upper reaches of one's ability, if you ask me.  

If ever I could meet someone "famous" in the sport of triathlon, it would have been Jim Ward.  He passed away in 2000 at the age of 83 while mountain biking.  What a terrific way to go after an inspirational life. Finishing the Hawaii Ironman at age 77 - that's something to be amazed by, if you ask me.

I can remember a time, not too long ago, saying that I would never want to be on a medication I would have to take for the rest of my life.  Well, I've now had a daily injection of Copaxone for five-and-a-half years, and will likely be on it, or something similar for the rest of my life (though you could help us all find a cure by donating on my fundraising page - and thank you!).  Shortly after starting my injections, I decided that I never want to take a medication that I would need simply to combat the side-effects of some other medication I was taking.   I'm sure I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

But every day, I poke myself with a needle to keep my disease at bay.  I exercise hard - mainly to maximize my performance come race-day, but also to be in the best shape possible.  I lift weights.  I stretch nightly.  I take naps.  My diet, while never terrible, has improved dramatically since the birth of our son - which coincided to a year-and-a-half after I started down this MS road, and my whole family benefits (I'm the chef at home).  This week I have started to meditate (5 minutes of sitting still is tougher than I thought!).

All these things I do to raise the bar of my physical and mental capacity.  The stronger, better coordinated, more mentally sharp, better fueled, more limber, and generally closer to the high end of my capabilities all around, the further that bar has to fall.

Training in Boulder, CO back in the mid 90's, I had the pleasure of riding with some of the fastest triathletes on the planet.  I would ride with (well, I'd start the ride with) the likes of Mark Allen, Chuckie Velupeck, Wes Hobson, Greg Welch, Kenny Souza, and my personal favorite, Christian Bustos.  A Chilean goat-herder turned world-class triathlete who crashed in a race in Argentina and was dragged under a press vehicle for quite a ways until someone heard him screaming underneath.  Ultimately he had a nasty scar down his calf from where a nerve was taken to put in his arm so he could use his hand again.  Riding next to Christian one day, I asked him what kept him going?  "Never say die" was his simple reply.  Another way to phrase it would be "Take what you've got, and make it work."  "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

This ultimately brings me back to ownership.  Multiple Sclerosis is mine.  I cannot give it away like some gauche present to be re-gifted to someone else that you probably won't ever see again.  I cannot get back everything it takes from me.  I cannot do these things.  In racing we often talk about controlling the controllables, and not wasting energy or thought on the things that cannot be controlled - to do otherwise will slow you down.  Taking my medication, staying fit, eating right, getting proper rest, staying flexible, and all those things are in my control.  I want to focus my energy on being a guy who is a top athlete, in-demand physical therapist and coach, Papa-extraordinaire, wonderful husband, good friend, and fabulous chef (ok, good cook), who happens to have multiple sclerosis.

I have my days of being lousy at all those things.  But I've also some days of being remarkable at all those things - because I make those the things on which I focus my time, energy, and thought.  Having MS is not good, it is not bad:  it simply is.  Otherwise it will begin to own me - and that cannot be allowed, no matter how far down it drags the bar that is - me.

Good Training, and Good Night!